


The Things You Make Me Feel

by Leef



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, First Love, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, actually there is some, maybe a bit plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 06:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leef/pseuds/Leef
Summary: Negan moved to the other end of the states for his job and Carl visits him, realizing how much he wants him.But it felt like home, and home was what he had been looking for all along.





	The Things You Make Me Feel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Neden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neden/gifts).



He hated this asshole.

He had really made him cross the country for an extended weekend. Carl didn’t know why he had even accepted staying with him when he had told him he would move to the west coast. As if there hadn’t been a place even farther away. Okay, to be fair, there _would_ have been places even farther away. At least he was still in the states.

The flight was a sheer torture with an annoying woman next to him and a screaming and kicking kid in the seat behind him. The only good thing about seemingly endless time spent in that plane was the seat at the widow so he could fantasize about throwing both nerve-wrecking persons down there.

Carl caught himself sighing more than once at the thought of Negan and that he had to travel this far to see him again. He knew work was work and sometimes you had to chase the chances you got, but it still stung that Negan hadn’t even asked about _him_ and _his_ opinion about it. Of course, Carl wouldn’t have told him to stay, not for real anyway. He would have enjoyed if Negan would have been closer, but he wasn’t the kind of person telling other people how to live their lives. And maybe he had even thought – if only for a moment – that the distance might be good. That he would not want to deal with the trouble and simply end the thing they had. Maybe Carl had been looking for a reason to end it. Not because he didn’t want him, but because it would have made things a lot easier for him.

He turned up the volume of his music and closed his eyes. Maybe he could find some sleep during the last minutes of his flight.

Naturally, he had found no sleep or rest, so the first thing he did once landed was buying a coffee. Because he would only stay for a few days he had no luggage to pick up but the backpack he had checked in as hand luggage. When he stepped outside the airport the sun greeted him and he immediately regretted not having brought his sunglasses. Why hadn’t he packed them when going to California? He groaned but his eyes kept roaming the area to find Negan, placing his backpack between his feet. Negan had told him he would get him from the airport, but so far there was no sight of the man. Carl felt a little dumb and hoped that he hadn’t forgotten. He checked his phone for messages but there was nothing. Suddenly he even got anxious that something might have happened to Negan. Maybe an accident? He started to feel really nervous when suddenly strong arms wrapped around him and hugged him tightly.

“Got ya!”

The familiar smell of Negan’s aftershave and the faint hint of cigarettes rose to his nose and he relaxed in the embrace. Carl leaned slightly back against his firm chest covered by little more than the thin fabric of his shirt.

“Don’t startle me like that, idiot,” Carl said but there was little to no edge to his insult.

He managed to turn around despite the prison of arms he found himself in and raised one hand to smooth it against Negan’s cheek. He loved the fact that the taller man always leaned into that touch like a kitten, humming contently.

“Mhm… sorry but I just wanted to hug you.”

Neither of them payed attention to any of the strangers around them. They were probably drawing some attention being two guys showing physical affection, but at least Carl didn’t really care about it. He had waited two months to touch this man again. He would definitely not hold back. And Negan didn’t care about what people thought all that much either. Something Carl really loved. If anything, Negan had always seemed to be open about having Carl around. There had never been any secrecy or shame about being with him in public, despite their immense age difference.

“Nice bun.” Negan grinned at him and Carl felt his face getting hot. He had already forgotten that he had put his hair in a messy bun even before boarding the plane. He couldn’t look good right now.

Carl wiggled out of the embrace, though he would have loved to keep right there for the next hour. But he needed a shower. He desperately needed a shower. And something to eat.

His heart fluttered again as Negan leaned down and gave him a peck on his forehead before grabbing his backpack and directing them to where he had parked his car.

“Are you tired? Hungry?”

Carl yawned in response, offering an unplanned answer while getting in the car. The inside of it was still cool from the aircon Negan seemed to have had running driving here.

“Mhm… a bit. But I’ve got other plans. Can’t we grab something to eat on our way?”

He looked up in Negan’s face, still not quite being able to grasp that he finally saw him for real, not only through a web cam. It was a bit stupid since they hadn’t been apart that long, still it felt like an eternity. It was something new to him entirely and he still wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“You got other plans, huh? Mind to share those with me?”

Carl gave him a crooked smile as soon as he saw Negan’s lewd grin and bumped into his shoulder to scold him. Negan knew exactly what plans because they had spent at least the last two weeks talking about their first night together. There had been barely any other topic when they had texted or skyped.

“I will not answer that. Can we grab something on or way or not?”

Negan shook his head and pulled the car out of the parking space.

“Who would I be if I hadn’t prepared something for you? Huh?”

Once he didn’t have to pay too much attention to the street in front of him, he looked at Carl once more and gave him his most perfect grin.

“Hope you still like pizza.”

“Pizza sounds fucking perfect.”

Carl gave him a sweet smile but then settled for staring out of the window of the car during their ride. He hadn’t been to California before, so he was kind of impressed by the view he got. They were mostly silent during the ride and it only added to the calmness Negan’s presence brought him.

It took them some time to get to Negan’s place due to the traffic. One thing Carl hated about huge cities, but it couldn’t be helped and the company of the man – and the good music he put on – made up for it. Carl hadn’t seen the place Negan was staying at before, so he was quite baffled to see a rather good-looking tiny house. He was sure renting this thing in this neighborhood cost a tiny fortune. But then again, he had to remind himself that Negan was actually earning quite a bit.

“So, how rich were you again?”

Negan moved towards the front door but looked over his shoulder to give Carl his signature shit-eating grin.

“Rich enough to pay for your ticket so I can fuck you senseless a whole weekend long.

“Extended weekend,” Carl made sure to remind him.

“Right. Only thought you might wanna see something of the city, too. My bad if I am wrong there.”

When Carl entered the house, he took in everything. And there was a lot to take in. It was stunning, perfect in every way. The entrance hall was huge for such a small house, and the floor was made of some sort of incredibly dark wood, giving it a noble touch. There was an opulent mirror with elaborate ornaments, too. Carl only noticed that his mouth was hanging slightly open when Negan told him with a chuckle.

“Wow. Just. Sorry if I hadn’t thought you lived in such a fancy place.”

Carl managed to tear his gaze from the interior to kick his shoes off, finally.

“You know my old place. This thing really surprises you? Most of the furniture came with it anyway. It’s not as if I had all that much to do with it.”

Negan wrapped his arms around him once more and Carl struggled to get those heavy limps around his waist loose enough to be able to turn around and to sling his arms around the man’s neck to finally, finally really kiss him. He tasted like mint and for a moment Carl felt bad for kissing him after a long day, probably tasting like stale coffee and hopefully faintly of the chewing gum he had bought earlier. Not as good as brushing his teeth but better than just tasting like caffeine.

But Negan didn’t complain but kissed him back, tenderly at first, but more and more demanding the longer it went on. Carl felt happy and warm and excited like a stupid teenager. He had no idea what he had done to deserve this man wanting him. He had never really felt the need to have a relationship before that. Actually, Negan was his first real relationship, the first exclusive thing he ever had. He had dated before, slept around, but no one had made him want to stay.

He smiled at the thought and the overwhelming force of feelings flooding his body. It made him tipsy with joy. He wanted to navigate them towards the bed right now – though he didn’t have the slightest clue where the bedroom was. He needed to feel Negan closer than this, demanded the annoying fabric to stop separating them this very moment. He knew Negan would not complain, so he parted their lips and leaned away from him, huge hands still resting on the small of his back and pressing their lower bodies together.

“You wanna show me the rest of your house? Maybe starting with the bedroom?” Carl breathed his words in the air between them and he was sure Negan saw the plain hunger he felt. He was so sure that it was the reason for him to lick his lips and the sight got Carl all excited. He had to control the urge to grip the hem of his shirt and expose his toned skin. He wanted to lap on every inch of his body to make up for the months he hadn’t seen him.

“Thought you were hungry…”

“I _am_ , that’s why I’m tellin’ you.” Carl lowered his gaze and made sure Negan saw his eyes room his body, fixing on his lower half before he continued. “I’m _starving_.”

That got a deep groan out of the man in front of him and Carl let out a shriek when he was suddenly lifted up in the air with two broad hands on his hips. Instinctively he wrapped his legs around the man and steadied himself with his hands on his shoulders. He grinned down at him, now towering a few inches above his head.

Negan’s beard scratched over the sensitive skin in the crook of his neck and Carl’s fingers dug in his shoulders in response, accompanied by a soft moan. How he had missed this. He was basically touch-deprived, and his body craved for any physical attention. Those past eight - almost nine - weeks had maybe been the worst in his life until now. Carl had been so close to mess around with some boy at a party only a week ago. But he would never cheat on anyone, and since Negan and he were exclusive, he had refrained from it. No matter how much he had wanted to be touched - to be fucked - he would never do that without Negan’s permission.

Before he knew it, Negan moved them both up the stairs and into the room at the end of the hallway. Carl didn’t have time to admire the lovely décor because all he really cared about was Negan on top of him. He was placed on soft dark sheets and he made sure to pull Negan down with him. He buried his hands in his black hair and licked over his lips before the man started to devour him. Carl couldn’t remember the last time he had been kissed this passionately, this demanding. He eased his head back into the mattress to let Negan take whatever he wanted to take. He was all his and he was ready to offer his body, along with the rest of himself, to him. If it wasn’t for the haze of lust, this thought might have scared him.

He spread his legs even more to let Negan lay right there, pressing against his already hard cock and making him moan hopelessly. His pants were definitely too tight, and it felt like they were getting tighter by the second.

Carl cupped Negan’s face and opened his eyes to watch him eagerly taking away his breath. Seeing Negan as passionate as this made his heart skip a beat and the blood rush south even faster. He groaned when he bucked his hips up to demand all the friction he could get.

It made Negan chuckle and seeing him open his eyes - heavy with lust - let Carl gasp. He wanted this man more than anything.

“Someone’s excited, huh?” Negan underlined his words by grinding against Carl’s trapped erection which forced the kid under him to close his eyes in pleasure, but his features also gave away the slightest hint of pain. It only got worse when Negan lifted his body enough for his hand to cup the bulge in his jeans.

“Stop…teasing…”

Carl opened his eyes again and this time he let his neediness take control of his movements. He tore at Negan’s shirt until the man lifted his arms enough for him to pull it over his head. Carl threw it away carelessly and immediately latched on the exposed skin, sucking dark bruises everywhere. The sounds Negan made while he did it were ecstatic and so worth the wait of being touched himself.

His hands reached down between them and even though shaking like leaves in a summer breeze, he managed to open Negan’s belt and fly. He eyed him disappointed when he rose and therefore parted Carl’s lips from his skin.

“I love it when you give me that look, babe,” he smirked and reached down to open Carl’s jeans and carelessly shoved them down. Carl struggled out of them completely and Negan took his time to do the same with his. But unlike Carl he also removed his briefs in a smooth move, seemingly seeing no use for them anyway.

“I love seeing you naked,” Carl told him in a breathy voice, captivated by the sight of his lover between his legs. He was perfect in every way; the way his muscles worked under his tanned skin, his peppered chest hair and the soft lines around his eyes being nearly the only things giving away his age; his deep, appreciating humming when he looked at Carl sprawled on the bed; his gorgeous cock standing to full attention with a halo of precum adorning it.

Carl licked his lips unconsciously and Negan reached for his boxers to pull them down. He let out a content sound before letting his fingertips trailing over Carl’s throbbing cock. Carl couldn’t help it and lifted his hips to meet the hand, to make the touch more satisfying and less teasing.

“You are one damn beautiful one.”

“Me or my dick?” Carl smirked at him and Negan only chuckled, moving his eyes from Carl’s cock to his eyes.

“Both. Definitely both.”

With that he crouched a bit further down to plant his lips on Carl’s belly which made him squirm from the tickling sensation Negan’s beard caused him, but also from the anticipation from what the man was about to do. Carl closed his eyes once more, arched his back slightly, absorbing those touches he had missed ineffably.

“You…don’t have to do…that.” His voice was heavy with desire and speaking those words was hard because he wanted him to do it. In a way, at least. “Just prep me and fuck me already…”

Negan hummed against the white skin of his belly and the vibration caused Carl to shiver and to let out a moan. His hips jutted involuntarily, and he felt how his dick was rubbing over rough scruff. In response Negan put both his hands on his protruding hip bones and held him in place. Carl was sure his grip would leave a faint blue hue, a reminder of their reunion.

“Got the whole weekend for ruthless fuckin’. Lemme make this good for you.”

Negan’s slick tongue moved over his skin and Carl was overwhelmed by the pleasure such a touch could bring him. He wasn’t even touching any particularly erogenous spots, but the combination of waiting so long, laying in a bed smelling of this man, and the tight grip made him almost burst from it. It was almost like a sudden relief when those mocking lips finally found their destination and wrapped themselves firmly around his cock.

“Fuck…”

Carl covered his face with his arm like he always did when Negan gave him head. It was somehow embarrassing, even though normally he had absolutely no problem or shame when it came to sex. It just felt so intimate to have him between his legs, sucking and licking away like he was his favorite sweet. Every time Carl was the one seated between Negan’s legs, he had no problem keeping eye contact. That way around he loved gazing at the man, who used to shamelessly watch him and stroking his head in the process. But him receiving it? It was still embarrassing, no matter how often Negan enjoyed treating him.

Negan bobbed his head a few times before he released Carl for a second to grab his arm and pull it from his face.

“Don’t do that, baby.” His words were breathed, and Carl could feel the hot puffs of air tickling his slick cock. He looked down and into Negan’s dark eyes, his pupils more blown than he had ever seen them. “I want to hear you. And watch you. Don’t you dare hidin’.”

With that warning – no, order – Negan got back to it, this time swallowing Carl in one smooth motion. Carl couldn’t control his hips, and was glad Negan held them where they were. His head was swimming and he was sure he would burst any second if Negan kept this on. Of course he had jerked off alone, but nothing could compare to someone else messing with you, the intensity so much greater, especially when it was done by the one you wanted the most in the world.

“Ah…Negan… Stop it.”

He tucked at his hair, but Negan only hummed and moved one of his hands from Carl’s hips between his legs. For a moment Carl thought he would wrap it tightly around his base to prevent him from coming early, but to his surprise - and horror - he wasn’t preventing him from coming but stroking him in unison with the movements of his head. Carl spread his legs even more and cried out when he couldn’t keep his body from spilling himself in Negan’s mouth. It made the man groan and Carl watched with wide eyes how delighted he looked while swallowing it all.

He felt like he was blacking out for a moment, but the sight of Negan releasing his cock and licking it clean with eager laps kept him there. It was a fascinating and mesmerizing image and he might regret not having watched him more often. His chest was heaving, and he felt his face getting all hot as Negan gave him his typical shit-eating grin again when he was finished.

“And now, the real fun starts.”

He licked his lips and pressed a sloppy kiss on Carl’s lips to let him taste himself for a moment – something Carl knew Negan enjoyed beyond measure. Then the man reached for the nightstand and pulled a bottle of lube out to smear it in generous amounts over his left hand.

“Spread your legs for me, baby. C’mon, I know you are not satisfied yet. I know how desperately you want your hole filled.”

Carl blushed even more and averted his gaze but opened his legs to give Negan exactly what he asked for.

“Just shut up and hurry, will ya?”

Negan placed one arm next to Carl’s head and moved the slicked fingers down his body to tease his entrance before thrusting a finger in in one slow but smooth motion. It got Carl grabbing for his arm for support and moaning in the deepest pleasure, even greater than the one he had experienced moments ago. He tried to meet Negan’s finger, it being too much and not quite enough right now. It was an incredible feeling as if it had been ages since he had something up his ass – which wasn’t ages but barely a few days, actually.

“You are so nasty… I gifted you such a good orgasm.” Negan’s voice was gravelly, and he watched every muscle in Carl’s face twitch when he hit the right spots. “And you run your mouth like this. Not the nice way to thank me…”

Carl gasped when another finger was added without warning and started to work him open. Despite his prior climax he already felt blood rushing south again, making him feel aroused but not the easy, light way the first time tended to do. It was like balancing on a sharp edge, but he was content to do it.

“Fuck…Just _stop_ _teasing_ , old man. Don’t you wanna put that cock inside already?” Carl’s breath quickened, and he had his eyes half-closed because he knew just how crazy it drove Negan. “ _Please_?”

That seemed to be the thing doing it for Negan. He thrust his fingers inside Carl a few more times before he removed them and slicked himself up with some more lube. Carl was hypnotized by the way he stroked his thick length and he had to bite his lower lip to keep himself from moaning like a bitch. He grabbed for Negan’s neck to pull him down for a kiss. He wanted to taste him when he pushed inside him, needed to kiss him while he did. It was one of the best things, the most intimate thing one could do – in Carl’s opinion.

And then he felt him press against his entrance until his body gave in and let Negan slip inside him. It tore a groan from Carl which was muffled by Negan’s mouth. Carl instinctively pushed his hips against Negan, opening his legs wide for him, to invite him in. They held their eyes closed at the intense moment they were experiencing, and Negan trembled ever so slightly under Carl’s arms that he had wrapped around his torso at one point.

They stilled their movements once Negan was filling him to the brim and the man released his bruised lips to rest his forehead against Carl’s to catch his breath. Carl could _feel_ his cock twitching inside him.

“I missed you so much, babe.”

Carl couldn’t keep himself from smiling so wide it hurt.

“Missed you too.”

Negan gave him a peck on his cheek and started to thrust into his younger lover. The intimate, soft moment was long forgotten once the tight heat caused Negan to just take, take, take. Carl didn’t need long to come undone completely, soon no more than a moaning mess under the man that was relentlessly fucking him like he had never fucked him before. It was raw and animalistic, and Carl felt wanted, desired, needed. He didn’t even realize that Negan drove his teeth into the skin of his shoulder, drawing a pained groan from Carl’s plump lips. It was that thing that made him clench around Negan, pushing them both over the edge only seconds apart from each other.

Carl felt the tension fall from him in an instant and he fell limp, releasing Negan’s body he had still held in a tight embrace until that moment, while Negan continued to thrust a few more times into him, riding their orgasm out in the most satisfying way. Carl never knew whether he craved those seconds of stimulating his over-sensitive body or not. Not that his mind was in a state to comprehend or reflect on that anyway.

The only reaction he could provide was a groan when Negan pulled out and flopped onto the bed next to him. They were both sticky from sweat and come, but for now neither of them seemed to care, though Carl really dreaded the feeling of something dripping out of him.

After a few seconds of catching their breaths, Carl felt strong hands rolling him onto his side and he frowned at the feeling of more liquid leaving his body. But the next thing he felt was a warm body pressed against his backside and he sighed contently.

“That was nice…”

“You okay?”

There was a soft kiss pressed onto his neck.

“Mhm… Just tired.”

Carl would have loved to take a shower with Negan later then, but he found himself dozing off right after the sex. It was one of the things he loved most – the deeply relaxed state one was in after a good orgasm. Especially with Negan’s warm body behind, and his heavy but familiar arms around him, it didn’t take long for him to doze off.

Sometime after that Negan must have gotten up and into the shower because Carl was woken by a dripping man pressing a wet kiss on his forehead. It made Carl frown with closed eyes, but he managed to open them and to rub away the wetness.

“Not fair…” He stretched under the thin cover and reached for Negan to steal another kiss from him before finally getting that he must have taken a shower without him, which got him pouting. “Really not fair. I wanted to go with you…”

Negan only chuckled at that and took the towel that was wrapped around his waist to ruffle his still dripping hair some more. Carl couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering up and down his body but lingering a moment too long on his heavy cock resting between his legs.

“Just thought I could prepare dinner while you take a shower. Showering together would have only distracted us.”

Carl was still pouting even faced with the smirk the man gave him. He didn’t care about eating all that much, even though he was hungry. But food could wait, their time together not because it was so very limited.

“We can shower together tomorrow morning and I promise to fuck you against the wall. Deal?”

“Deal!”

Carl stretched once more and watched Negan pulling over a plain white shirt and some briefs before turning around once more.

“There are towels in the bathroom, I’ll be downstairs, sweet.”

He really was a lucky bastard to have this guy – even though thousands of miles away for the time being. He wasn’t only handsome, but he could also fuck and cook. And they shared the same weird humor and taste in movies. Though Negan had a thing for the old films which weren’t really Carl’s favorites, but he still got the charm they offered, and enjoyed watching them with him.

Carl knew he should get up and take the shower to see if he could help Negan downstairs, but he couldn’t keep his mind from thinking about the wonderful time he had had with him until now and how they had met. What a stupid coincidence it had been and how god-damn happy he still was about it. Carl couldn’t even put his finger down on when exactly it had happened that he began falling for him, but on that one faithful day he had met this guy at his favorite coffee shop.

* * *

Normally that place was filled with students due to its proximity to campus, but that day there was a middle-aged man sitting in his favorite spot on top of the hordes of college kids making the thing crowded. Carl could have just picked another seat, but it was his seat that guy was sitting in. He had been sitting and studying there for the past week, and if anything, he liked his routine. That spot was perfect; you could observe almost the whole shop from it, there were a few potted plants around and you could look through a window directly into some tree tops. If that wasn’t the perfect atmosphere to study, Carl didn’t know what else was.

He wouldn’t give that place up.

He was still contemplating as to how he would get this man to leave when he looked up and raised an eyebrow at him. His anger almost immediately evaporated when faced with kind brown eyes, a sweet smile and a slightly tilted head. The man removed his headphones and Carl still wasn’t sure what to say.

“Something’s wrong?”

The man’s voice was low, lower than most Carl had heard to that day, and it made him want him to continue speaking, to tell him anything, maybe even to read him his notes for the next exam. If any of his professors had a voice like that, maybe he wouldn’t fall asleep during lectures.

“Uh…”

From all the things he could have said, he had preferred to say that. Great move. Splendid. Really impressive.

But the man didn’t make fun of him for it but continued his perfect smile and made some room for him at the table. It wasn’t exactly huge, but it was large enough for two people to sit at. Carl didn’t insist that this was his place and he wanted the man to go – actually he wasn’t sure anymore whether he _really_ wanted him to go or not. So he nodded, thanked him, sat down and opened his laptop.

That had been the day he met Negan for the first time, drinking a caramel macchiato next to him while studying for an exam he didn’t care about all that much.

Needless to say, that the next day, Negan was sitting there again. And the day after that, too. Carl was annoyed but on the third day he was also kind of looking forward to seeing him again. By that time, he knew his name was Negan and that he was some kind of freelancer. They ended up talking in between their work and Carl – at one point – even thanked a god he didn’t believe in for Negan ending up at this table.

When Carl had finally told him the reason for his reaction on the first day, Negan had just laughed a genuine deep laugh that made his heart jump and treated him to his favorite drink to make up for his ‘rude’ behavior. Carl was sure he blushed a bit, but if he did, Negan hadn’t commented on it

* * *

With a huge smile playing on his lips caused by those memories, he finally managed to get up and take a well-deserved hot shower.

Despite the clothes he had taken with him, he hadn’t bothered to change into more than fresh boxer briefs and wrapping himself in a bathrobe that hung there. It was comfy and even though it was far too large for Carl, he didn’t mind but enjoyed the familiar smell of Negan that lingered there. Carl had been tempted to take a bath – not having the opportunity in his dorm – but had decided against it. He had wasted enough time daydreaming about stuff, and he wanted to lend Negan a hand for the dinner preparation, so he had settled for a quick shower and brushing his teeth.

He went downstairs and noticed that the sun was already setting. He had arrived sometime around noon, so they had really dozed for quite some time. He found his way into the living room and admired the dark leather couches, the pretty furniture, and the huge flat screen. The room was already smelling nicely, and Carl moved to the counter that was the only thing separating the living room from the kitchen. Carl knew he wanted to live in a house like this once he graduated and got a job which could fulfill that dream.

“Need any help?”

“Nah, I’m good. Only need to wait ‘till the pizzas are ready,” Negan answered without looking up from the cleaning he did.

Seeing Negan working in the kitchen in nothing more than a shirt and briefs made him smile. God, he couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled this much. It was almost disgusting. But the sight really was something, even though it was almost too domestic for Carl’s taste. He was still so young, and he didn’t feel ready to settle, no matter how much he liked the time he spent with Negan and how much he made him crave this kind of normality.

“Wow, you are playing with fire there,” he heard the man say when he finally looked at Carl, who had settled at the counter. “And fuck, your hair is so pretty. You can’t imagine how much I missed that view. Reminds me, don’t you ever cut it. It suits you so well.”

Negan put some dishes in the sink and turned around to let his eyes wander over Carl again, now taking his time and leaning back against the sink. Carl had a smug smile on his face as soon as Negan’s gaze stopped on his exposed chest. He wondered if Negan was aware of the fact that he absentmindedly licked his lips while taking him in.

“And you can’t imagine how much I missed food,” he joked, faking innocence towards his outfit. He didn’t mind enough to adjust the bathrobe, letting it hang open slightly. He enjoyed Negan’s looks far too much to do anything about it. The way he seemed to suck in every inch of bare skin made him shiver in all the right ways, but Carl played it cool and acted as if he hadn’t noticed a thing.

Negan cleared his throat before he took some clean plates from a cabinet and placed them on the counter.

“I made your two favorites. Of course with extra cheese.”

Carl grinned like a Cheshire cat at that. He loved that Negan even remembered the small things. Things like that - his favorite pizza, his favorite drink, the spots to touch while having sex… He tried to keep _those_ thoughts out for a moment. Even if only until they would finish dinner.

“Mhm… I lived off cheap pizza the last couple of weeks. Can’t wait to eat a good one.”

Negan laughed at that and got the pizzas out of the oven.

“Glad you enjoy my pizza that much. At least there are two dishes I can cook just fine.”

“But your pizza is better than your spaghetti.”

Carl’s mouth began to water as soon as Negan placed the first pizza in front of him and got back to cut the other one before he finally also put it on the counter and took a seat across from him.

“Oh, c’mon. My spaghetti are _amazing_. You just don’t like pasta in general.”

“Truth.”

He didn’t say anything more, only gave Negan a sly grin and dug right into his food, grabbing a slice of what seemed to be the one with spinach. Halfway through his food -  Carl had already devoured five slices in total - he noticed that Negan was staring at him, looking off. When he looked up he frowned a bit upon seeing his eyes fixed on him like that.

“What is it? Everything’s okay?”

Carl was a tad bit worried seeing Negan so deep in thought and barely speaking. If anything, the man loved talking. The only time he was quite for longer periods was when he was working. Not even during movies did he shut up, always commenting on everything, and even though Carl found it annoying in the beginning, he had started to love it. Until meeting Negan he hadn’t even noticed how much he disliked the silence he normally surrounded himself with. Negan had made him realize and understand so much in such little time. It was almost frightening.

“Just thought how lucky I am to have you here,” he hummed and picked another slice up. “You are so beautiful. I have no clue what I did to deserve having you. Always thought you wouldn’t stick around. But you did, and the whole thing is only getting better and better. Fuck, you really do somethin’ to me.”

Now it was Carl’s turn to stare back at him with his mouth hanging open. Negan had never told him anything of this kind and it took him by surprise to hear it now. They had kind of talked about the thing they had, their kind of relationship. That they didn’t want the other to mess with anyone else. Carl even had had a toothbrush and some spare clothes at Negan’s old place, proving that it was serious, but they had never really talked about the whole thing like this. About emotions. Or their feelings. Carl knew Negan had some sort of difficult relationship laying in the past, and he himself wasn’t that good with this emotional stuff either. It had just turned out to work for them in a way, and Carl liked how uncomplicated things were with him and how much at peace it made him feel.

Hearing about how Negan felt, apart from the messages of how much he missed him, was new and made him warm in a way he couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Wow…like…”

Negan chuckled at Carl’s poor attempt to get anything out that wasn’t a mumbled mess. It was just like back then at the coffee shop.

“’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. Just happy to have you here and I wanted to let you in on that.”

Carl almost melted in his seat at the dimpled smile he received from the man. He was so thankful to be here, to be with him, and he felt bad for not expressing it enough. He just felt like he wasn’t any good at talking about feelings, and honestly, he was surprised that Negan hadn’t complained about it. Actually, he had thought he’d leave him for not being vocal about the way he felt. But all he ever received was love and understanding.

He put his slice of pizza down, suddenly feeling like he had a shit-ton of rocks in his stomach.

“Babe, I didn’t want to upset you.”

Negan frowned at him and put his pizza down himself. He looked worried and Carl didn’t like to worry him like that. It only added to his discomfort.

“You didn’t. I just… You know how important you are to me, right?”

The man still looked confused, but he nodded and gave him the warmest smile Carl could imagine. Carl suddenly felt like he owed Negan to tell him all the things he felt but had never said out loud. He was suddenly afraid that he would destroy everything if he wouldn’t let him know. Until now he had always assumed Negan _knew_ , somehow. That it wasn’t necessary to put it into words.

“I know. Or think I know. ‘s okay, really. I only felt like telling you, it wasn’t about forcing you to say anything.”

“I’m just not good with this whole talking about emotional shit. I didn’t think it’s necessary. But, fuck… okay. So… I’m not sure if I really _have_ to spell it for you but it would be weird to not do it now. I’m happy to be here. With you. To be with you in general. I enjoy the hell out of it and even if I didn’t say it, it doesn’t mean I am not happy. I… Oh fuck it. I swear if you laugh or something, I will hit you in the face – no hesitation.” Carl made a small pause without intending to. “I think I love you, okay?”

Negan stared at him, his smile fading for a moment and Carl thought he had really fucked it up. He felt so uncomfortable and would have loved to storm right out of the room this very moment. His mind was racing, and he was desperately searching for a way to play his confession down, to defuse the bomb he had just dropped.

“You _think_ , huh?”

Negan seemed to understand that this wasn’t the thing Carl wanted or needed to hear right now. Whatever was showing on Carl’s face in that moment made the man continue speaking.

“Well, I – for a fact – know I love you and that I am happy you are here. I didn’t want to pressure you, so I never said it. But these two months? They were hell. I was constantly missing you and I was afraid you would end it because it obviously sucks to be exclusive with a guy at the other end of the states. You have no idea how happy you make me, babe. What you are doin’ to me.”

Carl felt blood flushing his face and had to break away from his lover’s gaze. He would have loved to tell him how much he felt the same and that he had never once thought about leaving him, that he had had problems to sleep because missing him had physically hurt. But he couldn’t get a word out, just hoping Negan somehow _knew_ all this. Like he always seemed to know things without Carl saying them out loud.

“Can we please drop this?”

Negan chuckled again.

“Sure. You are cute when you are embarrassed, though. You know that?”

Carl rose and walked around the counter. He stopped in front of Negan and looked at him, enjoying being taller with him sitting.

“I’m sorry I’m not good with words.”

Then he leaned down to steal a kiss from him. The taste of food was still lingering on each other’s lips and tongues, but he didn’t care. Carl hadn’t intended to prolong it but when Negan began to cup his face he melted into the touch. He felt like his entire body became Jell-O under his every touch.

It was only a matter of seconds after their kiss had gotten more and more heated, that Negan adjusted his seat, so he could pull Carl on his lap, their half-finished dinner long forgotten.

A moan escaped Carl’s mouth right into Negan’s when he felt the man’s fingers brush over his hips, fingertips caressing his soft skin. Carl had never been so happy to wear nothing more than a bathrobe and underwear. This way I was so much easier for Negan’s hands to get access to his body. One hand was coming to a rest on the small of his back while the other stayed at his hip.

Carl put his arms around his neck, his head tilted slightly to give Negan a better angle to invade his mouth since it seemed to be everything he wanted to do right now. And who was Carl to refuse him? He wanted to give him access to everything he had to offer and to everything he was. He had never wanted to belong to anyone as much as to him.

“You are so good for me…” Negan breathed against Carl’s lips as soon as they parted for a second to catch their breaths. “So good, baby. I am a lucky bastard, really am.”

Carl cupped Negan’s face and let his thumbs caress the skin of his cheeks. He felt so full, so wanted, so happy in that moment he saw the adoration in Negan’s eyes displayed only for him.

“Take me over to the couch,” he demanded with a hoarse voice and all Negan returned was a low growl, seemingly all up for that. Neither of them was interested in the pizzas anymore, when Negan lifted him up and maneuvered them both towards the dark leather couches, their growing erections painfully pressed against each other.

“Tell me what you want me to do, babe.”

By now the bathrobe had slipped down Carl’s shoulders and was exposing his flat chest, something Negan had to touch the moment he got the chance to. His hands were warm, and Carl loved the way his fingertips were rough from whenever he was physically working on his bike. One of the many details that made him weak.

“Get some lube.”

Carl knew he should have brought it from upstairs but to be fair he hadn’t thought dinner would escalate like this. He was thankful that Negan didn’t question it, didn’t suggest going to the bedroom again because Carl wanted to have sex here. He wanted to have sex everywhere in Negan’s new home, so the man would always have to think of him. No matter if he was watching TV or taking a bath or preparing dinner; everything should remind him of Carl and the time they had spent here. He wanted to leave a constant reminder of his existence, of Negan’s desire for him.

By the time Negan came back, Carl had already removed his briefs. He was settled on the couch, hands on the backrest, knees sinking into the soft leather, and ass in the air. He heard Negan gasp upon seeing him like this and it made Carl smirk lewdly over his shoulder.

“I want you to fuck me like this,” he told him with lasciviously half-closed eyes.

Negan threw the bottle of lube on the couch and Carl was confused for a moment until Negan fell to his knees and grabbed for his ass, massaging his cheeks before pulling them apart and sinking his hot tongue inside him without any warning. Carl cursed at that sensation and had a hard time to not rock back against him. He felt his beard tease the sensitive patch of skin, but it only added to the heavy lust filling his body, overwhelmingly so.

“Shit, Negan…” Carl tried to look over his shoulder to see Negan, but the man was too absorbed in doing all the dirty things to him that he didn’t bother to let go of Carl’s body for even a second. Carl’s fingers gripped the leather hard and he tilted his head back facing this intense feeling sending shivers down his spine. He wanted him to fuck him, yes, but he was not going to tell him to stop this.

“You are fuckin’ perfect,” Negan told him while licking his lips once he was satisfied. The robe was shoved farther up Carl’s body before Negan applied the lube to his fingers. The cold sensation made Carl flee from the touch, and he loved the fact that Negan gripped his hip with one hand to keep him in place.

One finger slipped in, then another, Carl still being relaxed from the hot shower. At first Negan took his time, but the longer he prepped him – and it wasn’t all that long - the more Carl noticed that he groaned more often, and that his hand on his hip tightened so much it hurt. He was getting impatient and it amused him in some wicked way. He loved the fact that Negan – no matter how aroused – always made sure Carl was ready, not minding how urging his desire to just take him seemed to be.

“’m good. Just fuck me already.”

It was something Negan didn’t have to hear twice. Carl barely heard the fabric being removed from his lover’s lower half before he felt a blunt pressure against his hole. He let his head hang low and pressed back against him until his body gave in and invited his thick length. They moaned in unison, breathing hard. This position never failed to turn Carl on beyond help and as it appeared it also did its part to Negan. Carl’s body was trembling, and he cried out in pleasure once Negan started to pound into him, hands securing his hips from both sides.

He would never get enough of this, he would never be able to find as much pleasure in the touch of anyone but Negan, and – honestly – that was a scaring thought. But it felt like home, and home was what he had been looking for all along.

It was that realization that hit him when Negan pulled his body against his, wrapping one arm around his middle and the other around his neck, frantically pressing kisses and sucking bruises onto his skin. He wanted to be in this man’s arms forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations you made it through this fic! I hope you enjoyed this oneshot that kinda got out of hand. Anyway, thanks for reading! You can always drop by my [tumblr](buriedbrain.tumblr.com) and send me promps or have a chat - I love having a chat!


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